I want to see their SAD face
It's my curiosity for paradoxes
What's behind those smiles & laughs
Sadness, anxieties, personal problems
Oooh.. how I expect to hear it all!
But whoa I realized something now
Despite I do want to see their dark (HIDDEN) side
In real life I'm far too sensitive
To get to know anyone's life mess
Afraid to get involved, afraid they gonna suck me in
Afraid they gonna ask me for help I can't give
Heck I'm even afraid they'd ask me for advice
For although I'm an in depth person
I'm not a vent buddy
I only consult others when I want in the way I want
Yet I think my irony is understandable
For eventually observing darkness is much different
Than getting to know it personally - you're not involved
And so the curious case scrapbook is born
Talking about sad clowns, I remember a cheerful-personality friend in high school with ironically a bunch of problems from health, family & money - I wont mention the details because even writing about them would make me overwhelmed! But suffice to say at one point she didn't even know if she and her family could eat the next day and yet she's still got that 'positive' attitude as if that didn't really matter. I got to help her once giving her a sum of money, so did a few other classmates as I recall.
After graduation I've lost contact with her and to be honest I'm not really interested to reconnect. I just hope she's fine, judging by how she managed back then I think she is now (although now that this topic is about comedy-tragedy, I wonder..). Oh, and she actually reminded me of a flatmate already moved out few months ago whom at one night I heard crying loudly in her room. Later I overheard (errgh sensitive ears!) in addition to bf problem she's got family & money problems as well. And her face, figure, & personality were actually almost similar to that high school friend! I've checked and no, she's not her. The names are different, the faces also not really the same. (What relieve actually, I want to stay strangers with everyone!)
So what does this actually say about my hunts for paradoxes? Here I'm also one: I wished for knowing things behind the scenes and here I am, having sensitive ears, catching all those things I was supposed to be curious about and regretted doing it! Chat noir is confused.
No, I guess when it comes to a friend I can't really laugh about it. The problem is you can't predict whom or WHEN I'd consider (others) as friends or as the ones to downright stomp on (le rivals) - or simply as interesting case study subjects, mwahahahaaa..!!
Of course I'd absolutely HATE being perceived as a study material but I don't do empathy in this (or many other?) case - but that's for another coming post!
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