Le ROARRR!! #1

It's been long since I wrote the last entry in this blog. And fortunately that's a good thing because it means so many things going on with much intensity too: I'm now more active on Deviant Art. Since my first join date I've won many contests & prizes, har harrrr...!! And I'm sometimes notorious too, you'll find me if you know the right keywords, can't miss it.


Very grateful with how things progressing in my life. Hopefully this year I'll win more contests BEYOND Deviant Art with larger (as in LARGE CASH) prizes. And of course the FREEDOM & POWER beyond this too!

Miss Me? XD

Dream Journal #5: An Interrupted Honeymoon

I'M CRUISING. WITH MY HUSBAND. OBSESSION NO. 1!!!!
Things can't be crazier than this! We had lots of fun!!

But.. too bad my time with him was cut off by a murder happened on the ship! Now I must assist some law enforcement officers interrogating people [suspects? witnesses?] as an journalist or detective [or was it just as an interpreter?]. And despite my initial secret excitement it eventually induced a darn lot of anxiety its enjoyment dropped to zero!

I think now I know what it means by "I'm married to my work" - WHA..?? NOOO..!!

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LOL LOL LOL despite my obsession and all, I still am absolutely clueless about thing called 'relationship'. And no, in real life I'm not a foot-work investigator of any kind.. although I might try something in that line later when I'm bored.

Le Mrrow! #1 (Ode to Spontaneity)

Scaredy Cat

Lou Rawls & Desirée Goyette

I may be lazy, I may be fat,

I don't do laps, and I do not chat,

I may be selfish, yeah, and all of that,

But the one thing I'm not is a scaredy cat.

The one thing he's not is a scaredy cat!

I may be bossy, I may lack grace,

I don't do sit-ups to trim my waist,

I may be thoughtless, yeah, and all of that,

But the one thing I'm not is a scaredy cat.

The one thing he's not is a scaredy cat!

I don't have charm or much pizzaz

I don't chase mice and all that jazz,

I may be sassy, yes, and all of that,

But the one thing I'm not,

Yeah, the one thing I'm not,

I say, the one thing I'm not is a scaredy...

The one thing he's not is a scaredy cat! 

The Scholar of Paradox #1

I want to see their SAD face

It's my curiosity for paradoxes
What's behind those smiles & laughs
Sadness, anxieties, personal problems
Oooh.. how I expect to hear it all!

But whoa I realized something now
Despite I do want to see their dark (HIDDEN) side
In real life I'm far too sensitive
To get to know anyone's life mess

Afraid to get involved, afraid they gonna suck me in
Afraid they gonna ask me for help I can't give
Heck I'm even afraid they'd ask me for advice
For although I'm an in depth person
I'm not a vent buddy
I only consult others when I want in the way I want

Yet I think my irony is understandable
For eventually observing darkness is much different
Than getting to know it personally - you're not involved

And so the curious case scrapbook is born

Talking about sad clowns, I remember a cheerful-personality friend in high school with ironically a bunch of problems from health, family & money - I wont mention the details because even writing about them would make me overwhelmed! But suffice to say at one point she didn't even know if she and her family could eat the next day and yet she's still got that 'positive' attitude as if that didn't really matter. I got to help her once giving her a sum of money, so did a few other classmates as I recall.

After graduation I've lost contact with her and to be honest I'm not really interested to reconnect. I just hope she's fine, judging by how she managed back then I think she is now (although now that this topic is about comedy-tragedy, I wonder..). Oh, and she actually reminded me of a flatmate already moved out few months ago whom at one night I heard crying loudly in her room. Later I overheard (errgh sensitive ears!) in addition to bf problem she's got family & money problems as well. And her face, figure, & personality were actually almost similar to that high school friend! I've checked and no, she's not her. The names are different, the faces also not really the same. (What relieve actually, I want to stay strangers with everyone!)

So what does this actually say about my hunts for paradoxes? Here I'm also one: I wished for knowing things behind the scenes and here I am, having sensitive ears, catching all those things I was supposed to be curious about and regretted doing it! Chat noir is confused.

No, I guess when it comes to a friend I can't really laugh about it. The problem is you can't predict whom or WHEN I'd consider (others) as friends or as the ones to downright stomp on (le rivals) - or simply as interesting case study subjects, mwahahahaaa..!! Of course I'd absolutely HATE being perceived as a study material but I don't do empathy in this (or many other?) case - but that's for another coming post!

Le ARRR!! #2

DRATS DRATS DRATS DA FVCK IS THAT LOW LIFE OF A GIRL COULD COIN SUCH OUTRAGEOUS THOUGHT UNDERVALUING HERSELF THAT LOW AND WHAT. THE. HELL. IS ANOTHER MORONIC GIRL CHIMED IN SUPPORTING THAT OBVIOUS DEBAUCHERY?!?!?!!

THEY'RE PRACTICALLY SAYING, "PLEASE, PLEASE ABUSE ME!!" with cheerleaders in the background, "YEAH, GO GIRL, GET YOURSELF ABUSED WOOHOOO!!"  

BLEGH!!!!

OHMYGODDAMNFVCKINGGOD A DISPLAY OF UNBELIEVABLE IDIOCY TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!

I've become SO ALLERGIC to this self-incriminating ignorance by those BRAINLESS inferiors now I wonder if I need to stop lurking the forum altogether - although that doesn't guarantee the people outside that place are better because unless you've mastered intuition like a trained mind reader you can't really know what's going on in their heads.

DEAR GOD PROTECTOR OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY,

DELIVER ME FROM WOMEN WHO DON'T APPRECIATE THEMSELVES, NEVER LISTEN TO THEIR SENSE OF DIGNITY, MAKING JOKE OF THINGS SHOULD NOT BE LAUGHED IN THE SLIGHTEST, THROWING AWAY THEIR SELF-WORTH TO A PACK OF HYENAS!!!
AND DOUCHES OF MEN WHO WOULD INEVITABLE PREY ON THEM!!!!

I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THEM!
Even my defender-of-the-weak side doesn't want those particular underdogs, too angry to see their STUPIDITY! Because you know what? Inferiority might be more possible to heal but ignorance is just #@$%;^&#&*#!!
 
CHAIN IS CUT!!!

Le ARRR!! #1

Aand.. I was lurking the forum I used to be active in again and I read something (again) that made my blood boils. How I would love to reply badly:

WHERE'S THAT IGNORAMUS OF A PROFESSOR OF YOURS??
I'LL NOM HIM FOR YOU!!

IN FACT I'LL NOM EVERYONE PUTTING ANY SILLY ARBITRARY AWFUL PLAIN RIDICULOUS EWWWW SOCIAL EXPECTATIONS ON YOU!!!

But I can't do that. I've decided not to return to that forum for good. And guess what, while I might be taking the above poster's side, doesn't mean I would do the same with other posters with the same issue. My concern is 'costumed' per individual. Besides, I do JUDGE others, I put expectations on others despite they could be not the same with those of what ignoramuses think. You can't really predict what my next step would be.

I have no hesitation judging other judgers, PIRATE AGAINST OTHER PIRATES, IT'S THE FREE OCEAN WAR ARRRRRR..!!!

Ode to the Fire

Day You Laugh

Toshiyuki Toyonaga

Romanji

mienai kage koyoi mo yami ni ochiru

uraomote no nai Coin ga mawatta

anata wa ima doko de nani o shiteru no darou?

usotsukidarake no sei de

ikiteru noga tsurai

the Day you laugh rough lie lie lie

give up nante yosou rongai

atama no naka mechakucha ni nattemo

madamada tarinai

sakebu dake ja nanimo kawannai tte koto kai?

ugokidasou saa, buki mo te ni totte

"keishou o narase" to bokura wa tatakatta

saiai no anata ni mata deaitakatta

wazawai no nai yo no naka nante

sasai na mono datta

arasoi no hou ga mashi da to

itteita nowa dare?

the Day you laugh rough lie lie lie

give up nante yosou rongai

atama no naka mechakucha ni nattemo

madamada tarinai

kowasu dake ja nanimo kawannai tte koto kai?

agaku dake sa boku wa shita o muku wake niwa ikanai

jama sae nai

yukai janai?

hikari sasu beki sugata ni naritai dake sa

bokura ima o ikiteiru

sono hi ga kuru to shinji, ikitteiru

English

Invisible shadows fall into darkness again tonight,

As a coin with no faces spun through the air.

Where are you? What are you doing?

Surrounded by so many lies,

It's just so hard to keep on living.

the Day you laugh, tell a rough lie lie lie,

And give up - no, don’t say it, it's out of the question!

Even if my mind falls into disarray,

I still just can't get enough!

I guess this mean simply yelling won’t change a thing,

So let's get moving - Come, take your weapons in hand!

We were fighting just to "sound the alarms";

I just wanted to see you again, my beloved.

Our world without strife,

Was such a trivial thing -

Who was it who said,

We'd be better off in conflict?

the Day you laugh, tell a rough lie lie lie,

And give up - no, don't say it, it’s out of the question!

Even if my mind falls into disarray,

I still just can't get enough!

I guess this means simply breaking things won't chance a thing;

That's just struggling in futility – I can’t keep my eyes cast downward!

There's no resistance whatsoever,

But isn't that nice?

We just want to become deserving of the light.

We're living through this present day;

We're existing, believing that that day will eventually come!

Dream Journal #4: A Diamond-In-the-Rough Friend

A dream already few weeks ago I guess.

I was wandering at some kind of underground tramway still under construction.. I asked around for a direction/a train route.. a young adult Chinese-like guy I felt I can trust for a while to direct me to the right train platform.. as he walked fast he also warned me about some lunatic man known to often lurk around this station, but his way of talking was like joking so I didn't take it seriously, until we saw the mad, ragged man going slowly towards us.. the Chinese guy put a funny face and gave me a hint to run (as he giggled funnily)! But I was too slow, blank due to not taking this guy seriously (and I know it's NOT my fault! - that 'comedian' should've known better than making light of dangerous situations!), the madman suddenly really chased us, I couldn't catch up with the Chinese guy and the ruffian caught my hand!

As I was almost paralyzed by fear, a tough girl nearby working on subway construction jumped and helped me getting rid of the freak! Thaaaaaank God!! Somehow my mind was filled in with her story how she ended up here [but now I forgot it all], yet despite all her struggles she's still somewhat keeping up hope, "There's always another way."

[Changing scene..]

Suddenly I found myself have become quite a close friend with the tough girl that somewhat reminds me of Princess Mononoke.. and myself. Anyway, we're now on a mission.. she's wearing feminine clothes: a plaid dress shirt, a long loose skirt, a hat.. all in vintage style, but those can't hide her inner & outer strength.. we must somehow board on a train but too late it's moving.. I was kind of giving up but then she suggested, "No we're not losing it yet, see? We can jump on it!"

And so by instinct I knew she's right and we could catch it on time.. we're running towards and jump to the train like a couple of master parkour buddies! XD A few more acrobatic moves and we're inside! I didn't think we've got tickets for the train, we're in a hurry, but as long as I'm with her I knew we'll manage this somehow..

[dream end]

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Part of me glad I've got someone with similar personality but other part of me hates it entirely because then I'm no longer unique!! >:( Now I see it's just a dream, I wonder if she's just another side of me.

While you're jumping..

But REMEMBER!:

The truth of this paradoxically interpreted insight is just HALF of the truth!!
Alchemist, the Deep World Magician not just craftsman magician.
Always consult back to the Black Onyx.