"I'm interested in (a little) darker sides of life."
So I said or expressed in many occasions. It came to me by surprise when I realized that it's true, as I've always intended so. But my neurons never stops to amaze me. There are times when a bubble of slight but significantly higher awareness pop up to my consciousness. Alongside an insight, the realization that I actually knew nothing..! That taken-aback expression of "I thought I already knew that, I'm supposed to know.." and yet, nothing. Now it happens again on something I should have decided long ago as obvious.
MYSTERY. It's in my blood, as natural as breathing. How could I forgot this?? The other most—if not the very, most—dominant part of me! I 'forgot' I'm not just about philosophy & divinity (even that is also a kind of mystery!). Too busy thinking that I have no place in this universe of shallow & pathetic dependency, one 'pitfall' in philosophy, I forgot I still have other niches that can entertain me while I'm here.. no, no, this is more complex than that I can't yet explain everything.
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| So poirot's mustache was right too after all? |
Being an empath I'm very sensitive, but all the same I can't help being CURIOUS! But the vice versa also applies: I yearn for adventures, (a little) 'troubles', & excitements but I can't help being very sensitive. I can't stand people, mostly about their shallowness & how ugly they could be when it's all about low-rate-basic instincts. Not interesting at all, fairly predictable and disturbingly annoying. There I rambled again in philosophical point of view of a wounded philosopher.
So tired of these tug-o-wars. How could it be so hard to just being (ALL of) me?
-to be continued..-
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