I'M CRUISING. WITH MY HUSBAND. OBSESSION NO. 1!!!!
Things can't be crazier than this! We had lots of fun!!
But.. too bad my time with him was cut off by a murder happened on the ship! Now I must assist some law enforcement officers interrogating people [suspects? witnesses?] as an journalist or detective [or was it just as an interpreter?]. And despite my initial secret excitement it eventually induced a darn lot of anxiety its enjoyment dropped to zero!
I think now I know what it means by "I'm married to my work" - WHA..?? NOOO..!!
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LOL LOL LOL despite my obsession and all, I still am absolutely clueless about thing called 'relationship'. And no, in real life I'm not a foot-work investigator of any kind.. although I might try something in that line later when I'm bored.
It's my curiosity for paradoxes
What's behind those smiles & laughs
Sadness, anxieties, personal problems Oooh.. how I expect to hear it all!
But whoa I realized something now
Despite I do want to see their dark (HIDDEN) side
In real life I'm far too sensitive
To get to know anyone's life mess
Afraid to get involved, afraid they gonna suck me in
Afraid they gonna ask me for help I can't give
Heck I'm even afraid they'd ask me for advice
For although I'm an in depth person
I'm not a vent buddy
I only consult others when I want in the way I want
Yet I think my irony is understandable
For eventually observing darkness is much different
Than getting to know it personally - you're not involved
And so the curious case scrapbook is born
Talking about sad clowns, I remember a cheerful-personality friend in high school with ironically a bunch of problems from health, family & money - I wont mention the details because even writing about them would make me overwhelmed! But suffice to say at one point she didn't even know if she and her family could eat the next day and yet she's still got that 'positive' attitude as if that didn't really matter. I got to help her once giving her a sum of money, so did a few other classmates as I recall.
After graduation I've lost contact with her and to be honest I'm not really interested to reconnect. I just hope she's fine, judging by how she managed back then I think she is now (although now that this topic is about comedy-tragedy, I wonder..). Oh, and she actually reminded me of a flatmate already moved out few months ago whom at one night I heard crying loudly in her room. Later I overheard (errgh sensitive ears!) in addition to bf problem she's got family & money problems as well. And her face, figure, & personality were actually almost similar to that high school friend! I've checked and no, she's not her. The names are different, the faces also not really the same. (What relieve actually, I want to stay strangers with everyone!)
So what does this actually say about my hunts for paradoxes? Here I'm also one: I wished for knowing things behind the scenes and here I am, having sensitive ears, catching all those things I was supposed to be curious about and regretted doing it! Chat noir is confused.
No, I guess when it comes to a friend I can't really laugh about it. The problem is you can't predict whom or WHEN I'd consider (others) as friends or as the ones to downright stomp on (le rivals) - or simply as interesting case study subjects, mwahahahaaa..!! Of course I'd absolutely HATE being perceived as a study material but I don't do empathy in this (or many other?) case - but that's for another coming post!
DRATS DRATS DRATSDA FVCK IS THAT LOW LIFE OF A GIRL COULD COIN SUCH OUTRAGEOUS THOUGHT UNDERVALUING HERSELF THAT LOW AND WHAT. THE. HELL. IS ANOTHER MORONIC GIRLCHIMED IN SUPPORTING THAT OBVIOUS DEBAUCHERY?!?!?!!
THEY'RE PRACTICALLY SAYING, "PLEASE, PLEASE ABUSE ME!!" with cheerleaders in the background, "YEAH, GO GIRL, GET YOURSELF ABUSED WOOHOOO!!"
BLEGH!!!! OHMYGODDAMNFVCKINGGODA DISPLAY OF UNBELIEVABLE IDIOCY TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!
I've become SO ALLERGIC to this self-incriminating ignorance by those BRAINLESS inferiors now I wonder if I need to stop lurking the forum altogether - although that doesn't guarantee the people outside that place are better because unless you've mastered intuition like a trained mind reader you can't really know what's going on in their heads.
DEAR GOD PROTECTOR OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND HOLY,
DELIVER ME FROM WOMEN WHO DON'T APPRECIATE THEMSELVES, NEVER LISTEN TO THEIR SENSE OF DIGNITY, MAKING JOKE OF THINGS SHOULD NOT BE LAUGHED IN THE SLIGHTEST, THROWING AWAY THEIR SELF-WORTH TO A PACK OF HYENAS!!! AND DOUCHES OF MEN WHO WOULD INEVITABLE PREY ON THEM!!!!
I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF THEM! Even my defender-of-the-weak side doesn't want those particular underdogs, too angry to see their STUPIDITY! Because you know what? Inferiority might be more possible to heal but ignorance is just #@$%;^&#&*#!! CHAIN IS CUT!!!
Aand.. I was lurking the forum I used to be active in again and I read something (again) that made my blood boils. How I would love to reply badly:
WHERE'S THAT IGNORAMUS OF A PROFESSOR OF YOURS?? I'LL NOM HIM FOR YOU!!
IN FACT I'LL NOM EVERYONE PUTTING ANY SILLY ARBITRARY AWFUL PLAIN RIDICULOUS EWWWW SOCIAL EXPECTATIONS ON YOU!!!
But I can't do that. I've decided not to return to that forum for good. And guess what, while I might be taking the above poster's side, doesn't mean I would do the same with other posters with the same issue. My concern is 'costumed' per individual. Besides, I do JUDGE others, I put expectations on others despite they could be not the same with those of what ignoramuses think. You can't really predict what my next step would be.
I have no hesitation judging other judgers, PIRATE AGAINST OTHER PIRATES, IT'S THE FREE OCEAN WAR ARRRRRR..!!!
I was wandering at some kind of underground tramway still under construction.. I asked around for a direction/a train route.. a young adult Chinese-like guy I felt I can trust for a while to direct me to the right train platform.. as he walked fast he also warned me about some lunatic man known to often lurk around this station, but his way of talking was like joking so I didn't take it seriously, until we saw the mad, ragged man going slowly towards us.. the Chinese guy put a funny face and gave me a hint to run (as he giggled funnily)! But I was too slow, blank due to not taking this guy seriously (and I know it's NOT my fault! - that 'comedian' should've known better than making light of dangerous situations!), the madman suddenly really chased us, I couldn't catch up with the Chinese guy and the ruffian caught my hand!
As I was almost paralyzed by fear, a tough girl nearby working on subway construction jumped and helped me getting rid of the freak! Thaaaaaank God!! Somehow my mind was filled in with her story how she ended up here [but now I forgot it all], yet despite all her struggles she's still somewhat keeping up hope, "There's always another way."
[Changing scene..]
Suddenly I found myself have become quite a close friend with the tough girl that somewhat reminds me of Princess Mononoke.. and myself. Anyway, we're now on a mission.. she's wearing feminine clothes: a plaid dress shirt, a long loose skirt, a hat.. all in vintage style, but those can't hide her inner & outer strength.. we must somehow board on a train but too late it's moving.. I was kind of giving up but then she suggested, "No we're not losing it yet, see? We can jump on it!"
And so by instinct I knew she's right and we could catch it on time.. we're running towards and jump to the train like a couple of master parkour buddies! XD A few more acrobatic moves and we're inside! I didn't think we've got tickets for the train, we're in a hurry, but as long as I'm with her I knew we'll manage this somehow..
[dream end]
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Part of me glad I've got someone with similar personality but other part of me hates it entirely because then I'm no longer unique!! >:( Now I see it's just a dream, I wonder if she's just another side of me.
Of course I'd absolutely HATE being perceived as a study material but I don't do empathy in this (or many other?) case - but that's for another coming post!
